My Undiagnosed Postnatal Anxiety - A Poem about Identity
I’m just a ‘mum’, that’s all I am,
careers placed on hold; this is my new jam.
A move interstate? yet another debate,
here we go, this is it, maybe it is fate?
Nothing’s quite the same when we arrive back home,
I sit there alone, and my mind begins to roam.
“I met some nice girls today”, I said over a glass of gin,
they’re not like the last though, my head in a spin.
Who did I think I was throughout my city filled days?
still, I loved my life there, I will miss those old ways.
“Let’s go for a walk with our babes” she would say,
my heart rate increases, my reply, ‘I’m busy today’.
“Come for a coffee at my house instead?”,
the four walls preferred, now don’t be misled.
A casual stroll with babe through the mall,
why can’t I put my shoulders back and just stand tall?
But the chatter is loud, it vibrates off the wall,
my heart starts to race, and I feel so small.
“There’s no time for me”, his response, be aware,
“the kids will be fine, you need some fresh air”.
Excessive worrying, racing thoughts & feelings of dread,
why can’t I remove these thoughts from my head?
It must be all him, as it’s definitely not me,
if I leave now, no hassles, to a certain degree.
Then, I take a step back and decide to look closely,
and I realise.. it’s actually me I despise mostly.
My mind starts to ponder,
the social butterfly does love a good yonder.
It’s time to step up now, and not just for me,
my clan will be fine; I think we all agree.
“The job is yours”; I hear him say,
“when can you start?”, here I go, I’m on my way.
The babes need a good role model, it is time that I see,
everything aligns when it’s meant to be.
It took a good year for things to really progress,
but the thoughts, worries, grabbles start to compress.
It is me; this is it, I smile as tears slip,
A new version of me, wasn’t that a good trip.
I look back now, with eyes wide open,
everything happens for a reason; I was never broken.
I’m just a mum, that’s all I am…
Not true, just find you and let that be your jam.
Written by Sarah Cremona
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