There’s been some hesitancy if I’m completely honest, as the first anniversary arrives bringing with it more emotion than I could have anticipated.
It has been one year since my emergency c section.
Revisiting photos from those first few days which until now I have diverted, yet this week I’ve allowed myself space & time to sit amongst the memories, be mentored & held with my heart sunken low into my belly, disclosed the raw details publicly to raise awareness & I am now beginning to see through a varied lens. Perspective.
This week rolled upon me, the anticipation of the fifth like waves crashing on the shore, bringing with it anxiety, anger, sadness, guilt & fear - yet to feel means we are alive & with each emotional release arising when the body is ready, aligns true authenticity.
Sitting amongst the discomfort brings growth yet is barely ever allowed this opportunity, so I accept this internally & continue amongst mine; not rushing nor needing it to pass, but allowing it to remain as long as it feels.
And it is within the moments this week that I chose to reclaim my identity, which has yet again shifted so vividly into another version of self. I am whole, there is a sense of oneness I feel even without the labels of which typically define me; mother, wife, coffee connoisseur, friend, daughter, lover of life, women’s life coach & mentor.
The images - I don’t remember some of them from the days to follow. I look, however & barely recognise the woman looking back at me. She looks as though she’s chosen to disassociate from her vessel - there is a shell of her former self, yet I know she’s in there as there’s a look in her eyes, torn between a mothers deepest love, physical pain, strength & determination.
I validate my birth experience; I recognise & acknowledge that the birth was not as I expected yet it was magic in its own unique way, because it birthed my dear third child & with it came an opportunity to rediscover my own sense of self.
The anniversary of this new version of self, captured beautifully this morning on the physical warrior mark that remains – what a special moment, a unique sign of clarity & peace.
Much love on your healing journey.