Your journey into this world shook me, shook me deep through to my core,
left me cut open, shaking, bleeding – all I wanted was to run back through that door.
I closed my eyes and held my breath as I kind of almost knew, my instincts told me something wasn’t right, possibly because I already knew you,
after all you are the little love who shared my body as you grew.
Although we had not yet met by skin, we had known each other by heart,
it was decided for us upon that day, there was simply no more time to be apart.
“He’ll be here in five minutes”… “try one” she said.. as daddy & I share a nervous glare,
that escalated quickly, I feel empty and stripped bare.
As they took you from my body, it was raw, scary & new,
but deep down I knew that the worry I felt was not for me, but for you.
We waited nervously for moments, for your lungs to let out a screech,
I made a promise to myself if you would just be ok, I will start to practice what I preach.
Our hearts exploded with relief when we heard your muffled voice,
as your daddy held me tight, looked into my eyes, our faces filled with rejoice.
Briefly placed upon my chest, I squeezed you amongst tubes & cables,
Once out of here, I promise to read you tonnes of books and fables.
I lay there frozen cold behind the blue curtain,
baby without a name is ok, we now know this for certain.
My boys were whisked away, I’m so scared, now all alone,
tears streaming down my face, waiting, waiting as they stitch me up, my overwhelmed mind totally blown.
Violently shaking through recovery, you had your daddy to keep you warm,
but I still worried as the hours ticked by, you would not know me in this life form.
The mind is a powerful place, you see, so easily it can roam,
no need to worry as up until now I was all you’d ever known - I will always be your home.
Days later the dressing removed, amongst rivers of tears in the shower,
little do I know, looking back that one day this mark will resemble my true superpower.
The scar that now lies amongst my belly, the healing will come with time,
whilst I am grateful for what my body has given me, we still have hills to climb.
I don’t love this body again yet, I don’t quite believe,
but I’ve made a deal to give it time and see what I can achieve.
Today, we sit here together at merely four weeks new,
a new version of me, and a brand new you.
Your journey into this world shook me, shook me deep through to my core,
yet I look at you now and smile, we did it and I am completely in awe.
Written by Sarah Cremona.
Image of my son, William's birth in May 2021.